While we were sinners...

I would be lying if I said being a parent figure to 15 boys is an easy task. If you’ve ever had or worked with preadolescent or teenage boys, you know that easy is far from the truth. The array of emotion and spontaneous anger that at times emanates from any one of our boys is enough to keep a father and a mother busy and on their knees in prayer at all hours of the night. Multiplying that by fifteen allows one to learn very quickly that the strength it takes to keep such emotion in-check and to prevent one’s own sanity from flying out of control requires both a close relationship with the Father and continuous prayer.


Missing loved ones and one’s first culture are normal for anyone ever having lived away for an extended time in a second culture and language. However, the enemy can at times use those very real emotions and the longing for “home” to pollute our perspective. As stand-in parents, no successful moment stems from our own knowledge or ability, but by the pure and perfect strength, wisdom and love of the Father. There are days and distinct moments when we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has placed us in this ministry. However, there are also those very difficult moments when we fail to rely on the gifts of God’s Spirit in us, allowing the enemy to pollute our perspective; this causes us to use “home” as a pretext to compare what we had with what we now have. It is often difficult to see through the tears and difficult times.


Tiffany and I sacrifice time with each other, time with our family and even time we might normally spend with our own children to be something to these boys they do not have; this is all done with what in return? There is no guarantee for their return of love, kindness, understanding or respect. There is no guarantee of their understanding of the sacrifice we have made. There is no guarantee they will be successful or find a better life for themselves. Why, you may ask? Free will. Personal choice. These things coupled with the oppression the enemy uses to at times blind our boys, we do what we do not knowing what the future might hold or what changes might take place. At times, the enemy can use selfish pride and personal satisfaction as a tool to disrupt our ministry and to distort our vision. When I allow the sacrifices we have made to become more important than the lives of these children, I have failed as a follower of Christ.


These are the things that allow us to see that God is at work - our labor is not in vain:

A young man chooses to approach me to give me a sincere hug at the end of a stressful day, reminding me to smile and not be so serious, as it could cause me to get old earlier than expected;
A little boy following me around to ask what he can do to help, demonstrating he wants nothing more than to simply spend time with me;
A young man who chooses to trust me enough to share his past story and the dark times of his life;
Many opportunities to share the gospel of Christ through living it out and in turn, having a young man tell me he is reading the book of John, which has allowed him to really picture how Jesus was and lived;
The little boy who used to scream horrible things to us, now seeks us out to give us a big hug and tell us how much he missed us on our a day of rest;
The little boy who would not talk, but when shown he is loved with the love of a father and mother, he has started to trust us more;
A young man who shared with me that he left his girlfriend, because he felt love did not live in him, opening up a beautiful conversation of God’s love for us;
The little boy who used to talk to us with such disrespect and hateful words, now holds his tongue and walks away to cool off;
A young man who wanted nothing to do with us, now visits our home frequently to just sit and talk;
The older boys who used to hide and stay away in their rooms all hours of the day, now seek us out to invite us to visit for awhile at the kitchen table to drink coffee and just chat - something I had at first attempted and failed;
The boys once took what they wanted, and have started asking with respect;
The boys used to go where they wanted and return when they wanted, and have now not only been asking permission, but returning at the hour we ask them to be home;
The boys used to eat when they wanted, and now we eat together as a family;
A young man who struggles with yelling and gang-like tendencies, has recently started seeking out opportunities to help with his younger brothers and has calmed his approach some;
The young man who could not take “no” as an answer without causing havoc in the house, has started holding his tongue;
The young man who struggles with doing anything extra around the house has started seeking out extra jobs here and there;
What once was "every man" for himself at church, has recently taken a turn to everyone sitting together as a family without being told.

I make this list to remind myself that God is working. I also write this to remind you that your prayers have not gone in vain. I write this to also state that these changes we have seen are pure miracles and works of God. By the strength of his voice through his spirit in us and by his work through us, good things are happening in the lives of these precious boys.

Tiffany and I have adopted several life verses during our time here as house parents, but one stands out to me more clearly as I write this, and even more as I contemplate the lives of our boys: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (ROM 5:8 NIV)


Jesus left the glorious and perfect kingdom realms of his father to become man. He was born to a virgin and a humble carpenter in the muddy, manure mess of an animal stable. He was hunted down at birth and his life was put at risk. His entire life was lived perfectly and without sin; he committed no wrong before man or God. He gave everything he was on this earth and had no place to lay his head. Jesus gave until the point of death, and then gave his life as well. Christ submitted to humiliation, mockery, slander and brutal beatings; he submitted to death on a cross. God is so pure, so holy and perfect that he required the blood of the perfect sacrifice to forgive sin; however, such sacrifice was merely temporal, not eternal.


Christ gave himself up as the perfect blood sacrifice to not only forgive sin, but to also remove sin from between God and humankind who call on the name of Christ, making him their Lord and Savior. Christ is able to do this because he conquered death and was raised to life; Jesus Christ is the only living God who also died – all other gods have died and do not live. Jesus did this while we were still sinners, not knowing if we would turn to him and accept his love, provision and forgiveness of sin through his perfect blood sacrifice. He did this knowing that some would continue to mock him, criticize him and spit in his face with the way they live. He did this knowing some would use his name and sacrifice as a mockery and deny the power of the cross. He did this because he first loved us, which was not dependent upon us loving him back.


As a follower of Christ, we are called to take up our cross and follow him. We are called to be imitators of who he is and what he has done through the way we live. The fact of the matter is, just as my own babies watch me closely and want to be just like their daddy, these boys also desire to be like the one they follow as a father figure in their lives.


God gave me the image of his son as I have struggled with moments of doubt. Who am I to place myself above the SON? Who am I to feel entitled to anything more than that to which my SAVIOR was entitled while on this earth? Who am I to be bothered at the thought that free will and choice is also given to these young men and that their love and respect is not guaranteed in return? Who am I to judge the thoughts and struggles of humankind? I am but mere trash in comparison to Christ Jesus, but he loved me so much that he gave his own life before he even knew if I would accept it or not.


Pray for us as we continue to work with these boys, demonstrating the love and character of Christ Jesus through the way we live and daily treat each one of them.


We love you all. Many blessings!


In the Ministry of the Cross,
Matt & Tiffany and the kiddos